When insults had class…

These are simply too good to keep to myself…

When Insults Had Class

These glorious insults are from an era before a great portion of the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words, not to mention waving middle fingers.

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, ‘If you were my Husband I’d give you poison,’ and he said, ‘If you were my wife, I’d drink it.’

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: ‘Sir, you will either die on the Gallows or of some unspeakable disease.’ ‘That depends, Sir,’ said Disraeli, ‘on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.’

‘He had delusions of adequacy.’ – Walter Kerr

‘He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.’ – Winston Churchill

‘A modest little person, with much to be modest about.’ – Winston Churchill

‘I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.’ – Clarence Darrow

‘He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the Dictionary.’ – William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway). ‘Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?’ – Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

‘Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time Reading it.’- Moses Hadas

‘He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.’ – Abraham Lincoln

‘I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.’ – Mark Twain

‘He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.’ – Oscar Wilde

‘I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend…. If you have one.’ – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
‘Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… If there is one.’ – Winston Churchill, in response.

‘I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.’ – Stephen Bishop

‘He is a self-made man and worships his creator.’ – John Bright

‘I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.’ – – Irvin S. Cobb

‘He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.’ – Samuel Johnson

‘He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.’ – Paul Keating

‘There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.’ – Jack E. Leonard

‘He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.’ – Robert Redford

‘They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.’ – Thomas Brackett Reed

‘In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.’- Charles, Count Talleyrand

‘He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.’ – Forrest Tucker

‘Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?’ – Mark Twain

‘His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.’ – Mae West

‘Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.’ – Oscar Wilde

‘He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts.. . For support rather than illumination. ‘ – Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

‘He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.’ – Billy Wilder

‘I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening but this wasn’t it.’ – Groucho Marx ‘

A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government.’ – Edward Abbey